Week 39

Ewan was born by cesarean section at 11.02am on Monday 12th May, 2008 weighing 8lb 2
He is healthy and gorgeous, just as his brother Stefan was. They are very similar in their colouring, with dark hair and lovely skin and they share the same shaped nose. Ewan has a different eye shape to Stefan, although the colour looks the same.

The birth was brilliant. Very clam and relaxed and I now have no regrets at making the decision to have him by elective cesarean.

We arrived the hospital at 7am on the morning of the 12th May and we were taken to a waiting room in the maternity wing. We were sat with two other couples, all I presume, were there for an elective? At around 8am, they took us onto the ward and left us on a bed with a disposable shaver and a paper towel.....

Around 10am, after speaking to a number of people, including the surgeons and epidural blokey (who I wish I could remember the name of as he was absolutely brilliant) I was taken down to theatre and Darren was taken of to be gowned up.

I have to admit to being pretty scared, which does seem bizarre being my second time round. Maybe it was because I knew what was coming, whereas the first time, I had no clue.

I was sat on the edge of the bed while they prepared me for the epidural. The needle looked like it was going to poke out my tummy on the other side. There were lots of people milling around, talking to me and asking me questions. They were all lovely, but somehow this made me feel worse. I have to admit to crying a bit out of fear at this point. I was sat all alone with no idea where Darren was, with a big bloody needle in my spine.

Then - it all seemed to be over so quickly. Darren was by my side, we had a screen up infront of us so we couldn't see the pulling and tugging that was happening below, although I did feel like I was going to be pulled right off the bed at times.

Our little boy was soon delivered, did a wee on me and was whisked off to be cleaned up and checked over. He was back with us within minutes, and 30 minutes later I was breast feeding him in the recovery ward. It was all very peaceful and calm and a million times less stressful, painful and worrying than when Stefan was born.

It took us a day or so to settle on a name, but Ewan was perfect once we'd met him.

Week 38

A tough week in many ways. Finally made it into May. Seems to have taken forever. I feel like I've been pregnant for a whole year instead of nearly 9 months.

This week has been a wind-down for me. Not having to go into work has been a blessing as I really am struggling to get about with any great urgency now. Pressure on my pelvis is increasing everyday and baby feels really low down. I've been having Braxton Hicks on and off for a few days now. I was starting to wonder if I was in early labour, but no such luck.

Darren was off work for the bank holiday on Monday. That was a welcome extra pair of hands for me as Mum didn't come up this week. Tuesday and Wednesday Stefan was in the nursery, and I had two lovely days of being able to rest and sleep - and nest! I made pelmets for the kitchen windows (?!)

The garden is now done, so I've spent lots of time there, tidying, sweeping, hosing and sitting and enjoying as the weather has been glorious this week. Lots of lovely sunshine.
















Very, very, very sad news that we lost our good friend Amanda on Wednesday to cancer. It's been a short fight since she was diagnosed in January, so no time to spend any quality time together over the past couple of months. A hard reality to face to at the moment. Can't quite believe that she's gone. I will really miss her. The loss of a truly lovely friend.
















On Wednesday I was pottering about the house when the phone rang. It was the midwife checking up on me as I had forgotten my appointment that morning to have my blood taken for the c-section on Monday. I had to dash down to the surgery there and then. I've never had a needle in and out of my arm so quickly. Not so bad, as it gave me no time to fret over it. Head really in the bin now. Can't remember the simplest of things even when it's written on the calendar to remind me.

Went for a bite to eat with Roz and Rachel in the evening, which was nice. We did have to request another table though, as the booth they initially gave us wasn't big enough for my bump to fit in.

Thursday was a hard day physically for me. I had Stefan all day by myself. Running around after him is near on impossible now. Bending down and picking him and his things up gets quite painful after a while. I'm reluctant to drive anywhere as reaching for the peddles is too difficult, and I can't push the pram for very long distances. All of this meant we were pretty much house bound for the day. It was a wearing morning with the crying and whining that Stefan has been doing recently. He did perk up after his afternoon sleep and we spent the afternoon in the garden in the paddling pool, playing on the swing and pushing him up and down the path on his bike. I really felt it by the time Darren came home.







































We drove him over to his Grandparents on Thursday evening - and he spent the day with them on Friday, leaving me one last day in my own company before 3 become 4 on Monday.
I am feeling more and more anxious as the days draw nearer. Having been through a section already, I know what to expect and I'm not really looking forward to the whole experience again. Luckily, I know that the end result far outweighs the traumas of child birth.

Week 37

Getting over my cold virus now, but it's left me with no energy whatsoever. Mum, Dad and Steve came over on Sunday, so it was a relatively busy day and I felt it by the time evening came. I was glad Mum was staying over though. Mum's make everything ok. It makes me feel better knowing she's around.

I had a follow up scan on Monday at 8.30am. Darren came with me while Mum took Stefan to the group. The sonographer (a male this time) was brilliant. He double checked all the same measurements as last week, and drew the same results. Amniotic fluid is normal, but the baby is still measuring slighter off the 95th centile around the abdomen and the head. Of course, it panicked me. He was very reassuring, and explained that it was really nothing to worry about.

We are all born with different measurements, some people have long legs others have short bodies - our baby has a slightly bigger than average tummy and head. As he was talking to us, we both couldn't help but smile at the simplicity of his explanation and how, infact, I was really worrying for nothing. To put my mind at rest further, he took me to have a quick chat with a midwife - something he didn't have to do, but could see that it would help us. He really was a lovely man,


The garden is dragging on a bit now. Tuesday and Thursday were really wasted days where not much was done. Probably about 2 hours work on each day. They blamed the weather in the morning, but on both days it was glorious by 11am, by which time the guys had packed up for the day. That said though, they are doing a fab job and what they have done is starting to look great.





















I finished work on Friday, thankfully. These last few days are proving to be quite difficult getting about now. Driving is a bit of a problem and I don't feel that safe behind the wheel. Moving my feet across the peddles takes longer than normal as my tummy gets in the way now. I won't be driving anywhere after finishing work on Friday.

I could sleep on a washing line. If only I cold get comfortable for long enough to fall asleep. Feeling very sleep deprived. Suppose I'd better get used to it. I'm having mixed feelings about the baby. Worried that I won't be able to cope, especially with Stefan having long lasting tantrums at the moment that are really to know how to deal with. I think once I can physically move about normally again I will feel much better. It is so hard having to chase Stefan about at the minute. Even just getting up off a chair takes an age with my painful pelvis - nevermind running after him down the street! On the other hand, I am really excited to meet our new baby and can't wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl now.

Week 36

Baby is getting lower and lower and lower. The pressure on my pelvis is increasing and I feel like I need a wee all the time. I can, however, breath a bit easier and can fit a bit more food in too (probably not such a good thing is it!)

Having good and bad days with walking still. Last time round the painful walking was caused by the swelling in my feet, ankles and legs. I have managed to avoid that this time. No swelling at all, anywhere. Not even in my fingers. Still have my wedding ring on. I've also escaped the constipation this time too. What us women go through eh?!

Mum came over on Sunday again and took Stefan off my hands on Monday. A welcome relief. Running about after him is near on impossible now. I just can't keep up, or pick him up. It was a good thing she was here actually as the workmen came to make a start on the patio so I could see to them without having to chase Stefan around the garden, avoiding some of the more 'fasinating' tools they had bought with them....

Work in progress.































Saw the midwife on Wednesday. All is ok. Blood pressure back to normal and baby's heartbeat was loud and clear. I enquired about having some physio if my pelvis is still out of sync after I have had baby. I didn't really get a straight answer, but she seemed to think it would all pop itself back in the right place afterwards.

Stefan has recovered from his ear infection and fever well, although we have all developed colds this week. Feel ok, just exhausted through no sleep. Have had some horrible headaches with it too. Came home from work early on Friday and went to bed for the afternoon. I've only got three more days to do at work before I finish for my maternity leave. Roll on next week!

Week 35

Had the scan on Monday. I was very nervous going in, but my mind was soon put to rest. The amniotic fluid situation is normal, as is the baby. It's measuring pretty much on the 50th centile apart from the abdoman and head measurements which are more towards the 95th centile. The sonographer assured us it was nothing to worry about and that the baby was just a little bigger than average. It's currently weighing in around 6lbs. It should be gaining on average about 0.5 lbs a week now so I could be in for another 8lb baby again. I am going back in two weeks for a further scan as a precautional check -up.

It was lovely to see the baby. Couldn't see all of it as it's quite big now. I will put the scan picturs up when I have more time.

The baby has dropped lower now and I have a constant feeling of wanting the toilet. Sleeping is pretty non existent too. I'm so uncomfortable when I'm lying down. I'm starting to believe I'll actually get more quality sleep once the baby is here!

My pelvis has been a nightmare. Some days I can't walk at all or put any weight on my pelvis/hips without nearly keeling over. On Thursday I had a very bored little boy on my hands, so I popped him in the pram with all intentions of going to the park. I got as far as the bottom of the road and had to turn back. I was in agony. The pain was awful. I was pretty tearful on Thursday night, so Darren took Stefan to his Grandma and Grandad's while I rested in some peace and quiet.

Tony, the patio man called and confirmed he would be starting the patio and path next week. Can't believe it's actually happening now after all this time! We'll have a lovely new patio for when baby makes an appearance and can finally entertain outside without stepping in chicken poo or having stones thrown at you from Stefan! My kitched floor will need less mopping too....

Week 34

My emotional and hormonal state have reached a balance over the past few days, and I feel so much better for it. The patch I went through a couple of weeks ago was horrible. It's a real strain having to cope with that and the tiredness. Anyway - for the time being I feel pretty much my normal self for the most part. I do have the odd day where I feel a little blue or down in the dumps. Doesn't tend to last too long, especially if I get myself out of the house and do something.

My friend Emma popped over on Thursday. She's 4 months pregnant with her first. After we had lunch in Left Bank, we popped down to look at the prams in baby Planet. I am really pleased I went. Solved a major issue of mine that I had with our pram. I can't believe I've only just discovered the solution - nearly two years down the line.

It was always a concern of mine that when Stefan (as a baby) was lying in the pram, he was facing away from me. Unless he was in the travel seat (which did face me, but could only be used for a maximum of two hours) I couldn't see him, he couldn't see me and it always felt like he was open to the elements. Anyway - the very nice lady down there showed me how to turn the hood around and she put a 'nest' into the seat area which baby lies on. It's exactly what I wanted. Just a shame I struggled a little through the first few months with Stefan not being entirely happy. Good that I can do this for baby No.2 and have him/her facing me.

Saw the midwife this week. I have low blood pressure, possibly down to tiredness, and I am still measuring four centimeters too big, so I am booked in for a scan on Monday to see what's going on with the amniotic fluid situation. I'm trying not to worry about it.I got quite concerned while I was sat with her, and while she was talking to me, I couldn't hear what she was saying as my mind was doing overtime and by the end of it all I was too frightened to ask anymore incase it was bad news. She did say that carrying too much amniotic fluid was usually just 'one of those things' and was nothing to worry about, although it can mean some abnormalities. I might have to ring my friend Chris, who had the same issue when she was carrying. My iron levels are spot on apparently but I do have a small amount of protein in my wee.

I've been thinking about packing my hospital bag, and have got a few bits already prepared (shop loads of maternity pads!) Although it wasn't so long ago that I had Stefan, I've drawn a blank as to what to pack. Putting it down to absentmindedness of pregnancy. Will have to get a book out and do a check list again. I can be a little more prepared this time as I know when I am going in and what to expect and I won't have to pack a bag of 'birthing aids' like last time. I think I over packed last time......typical of me.

I've got more clumsy recently, as the cat will tell you. She's constantly spitting at me as I keep booting her out of the way. I just can't see her! I've also felt myself toppling to the left and right and loosing my balance. Stefan has also got into the habit of hiding under my bump (between it and the cupboard) when I'm washing up at the sink and I sometimes forget he's there. He goes flying if I move.

Stefan has been poorly again this week. An ear infection on Monday - got antibiotics for it, and on Wednesday the nursery called me to fetch him as he had a raging temperature. He wasn't a well little boy on Wednesday evening and was very feverish - hot, then shivering with cold and sick in his cot. Such a worry knowing what to do for for him? We have been through this once before, so we were a little bit more clued up as to what to look out for and what do to. He did eventually go off to sleep and slept till 6.30am. Very subdued the following day, tired and thirsty for most of it, and just wanting to sit with me and be cuddled. I've never watched so much Winnie The Pooh!

We've also made progress with the patio situation this week too. Got Tony from Creative Landscapes coming - hopefully before baby arrives - to work wonders with the patio area and a path up to the shed. Going to be lovely and 'curvy' apparently! I can't wait. Will make the summer months more enjoyable without having to worry about either Stefan throwing the exsiting shingle or the baby choking on a stone (or mistaking one for chicken poo - ugh!) and will make the winter months easier without having to squidge across muddy grass to get to the hens.

Bizarrely, we woke to snow on Sunday morning. It soon melted to sunshine.

















5 weeks to go. And counting. My pelvis feels like it's about to snap in two. Gave a good loud 'crack' the other night in bed. Makes me cringe just thinking about it, nevermind the agony. What I'd give for a pain-free, good night's sleep. Well, actually, I'd give birth.

Week 33

A better week emotionally, but a terrible week physically. My pelvis has been absolute agony. I can't sleep, I can't walk very far or for very long and I'm in pain most of the time. I've also got a stretching, burning pain across the top of my bump, just under my boobs. It feels like my bra is really, really tight. I have felt my mood lift a little this week and the black cloud has turned a paler shade of grey. Makes for much better days, and I'm sure Stefan has been happier too. It must have an effect on him.

Lots of big movement now, and I have a sore spot on the right where baby has kicked a lot. Sometimes I'm sure it gets a foot caught up in my rib cage. Driving is becoming more difficult now as I have to move the seat back to fit my tummy in but then my feet are further away from the peddles. Can be a problem when I need to go somewhere that isn't walkable. Darren does all of the driving now, and all of my knuckles are permanently white!!

Stefan has been to the doctor this week with a few things. We've noticed he's blinking very slowly at times, which was a bit of a worry. We've just got to keep an eye on him and look out for certain behaviour, although we're not as worried now we've spoken to Doctor Yakoob. He's also got a little bit of a cough and with the stuff in the news about medicines being taken off the shelves, I thought I'd better get it checked out (he's ok) and he's got a prescription for his dry skin on his face and arms and legs. The dry, sore face we've put down to teething. He's having good and bad days with it.

We've done lots of sorting out of baby stuff. Darren got in the loft and we've got loads of stuff we can use again. It was so lovely to see the teeny tiny baby grows and vests again. I'd forgotten just how small newborns are and it made me realise how quickly Stefan has grown. Where has the time gone? We've found the moses basket and baby bath and loads of blankets and cot sheets etc. There's also a big bag of toys, which Stefan decided he wanted again!

We've had a really productive Easter break, and it's been good to have Stefan in the nursery for a couple of days where we can both get things done inbetween spending some time relaxing - which is a rarity these days!

Week 32

Much the same as my last entry really. No real change, just bigger! Some days I feel really bloated and uncomfortable - not sure if that is the amount of amniotic fluid or the fact that there's not much room left inside for food or drinks. I am trying to eat little and often and have smaller portions.

I am going through a very sensitive patch where I feel really undervalued and at times get quite agitated - and this gets me down. Being with constant aches and pains and not sleeping too well only adds to my frustrations. There have been quite a few arguments over the past few weeks and I am starting to worry about how unstable things feel at home. It's a horrible time, I feel really unhappy about it. Being pregnant is a toll on every aspect of my physical and emotional being and I am feeling it much more acutely than I did with Stefan. Because of this I have to rely heavily on those around me to help, and I feel distraught (heightened or not) when I am let down - however minor it seems to everyone else. Things seem really out of perspective in our relationship. We are both pretty upset about the whole thing.

Week 30

It's been a good while (6 weeks infact) since I've written about my progress. Stefan, work and running the home is taking up all my time and I'm in bed really early these days.

Over the past few weeks, I have blossomed and I seem to be looking and feeling better, although I am still tired out at the end of the day. I'm still going through stages of irritability and extreme emotions - very tearful, very happy, very sensitive, etc.

I have a bit more energy which does dwindle by the end of the day as it's becoming a struggle to bend, lift and generally move about with any great urgency.

I'm getting lots of movement from the baby now, more so in the evening and throughout the night. Very reassuring. Some of the kicks are quite a shock when I least expect them.

The PSD is still there and I mainly feel it in the evening when I have been on my feet all day. It's can be painful when I am lying down in bed and turning over isn't easy either. Darren is still in the spare room, and as much as we both dislike it, it does enable us both to sleep better. Sleep deprivation is no good for either of us.

Over the past few weeks we've decorated the front bedroom for Stefan; got a new wardrobe and drawers for him, I've made curtains and tied it all together with matching accessories (bedding, rug, lampshades, bunting etc) and he's got a gorgeous bedroom now. We've got him a single bed in there, but he is still in his cot. At 21 months I feel it's still too early to move him out of it just yet. I'm also very conscious of keeping things as normal as possible for him while he gets used to his new sibling being around for the first few months. A colleague at work has offered us the use of a cot if we need it, although the baby will be in the moses basket for a little while and we do have a travel cot that we could use too for a short time.

Stefan has had a particularly tough time teething and he's been in a lot of pain over the past 4 weeks. Calpol is the only thing that calms him down and takes his pain away. Its awful to see him so distressed. He's been very clingy and has needed lots of cuddles and contact with me. He's coming through it now, but we have all had a rather hard time with it. He's been very tearful and very testing and hasn't been an easy child to deal with at times. Coupled with me being so exhausted and in pain with my pelvis and back I've not been able to lift him, or bend easily I've found it hard at times. Sometimes ending up in tears myself.

On Wednesday I saw the midwife. There's a small concern that I'm carrying too much amniotic fluid. I have been feeling quite bloated on occasion, which I have just put down to drinking too much milk/water or eating too late the night before. She didn't seem overly concerned, so I am trying not to worry about it. She's seeing me again in 3 weeks to have another look and then send me to a consultant if needed. I've not been leaking any fluid at all, which I presume would be the first sign of fluid overload.

She also spoke to me about my decision to have a section. I'm still no clearer. If I think long and hard enough I do think I will have one in the end. I'm just letting things happen as they will for now. I know I have the day booked at the end of the day.

The other thing I noticed this week (and I'm probably tempting fate now) is that I haven't got swollen feet or ankles. This time in my first pregnancy I had quite a lot of fluid in my legs at this point. Maybe I've got it all to come?

Only 8 weeks to go now, so I'm on the home stretch. HURRAY!

Week 25

I'm starting to wonder when I will have anything good to say about this pregnancy? I know it can be a self fulfilling prophecy to be down in the dumps if you let yourself, and I really am trying to pick myself up, but I'm finding things hard.

On Sunday we took a very bored little boy to the local city farm. It was bitterly cold, very windy and non of us were much in the mood for walking round in such bad weather. Stefan was crying, I was nearly crying and Darren was holding it together for all of us. I was tired and lifeless and was finding every step an effort. A crying child when you are over tired and in pain is very difficult to cope with. How I kept the tears back, I'll not know.

Our saving grace that day was Stefan's Grandma and Grandad. They came to meet us at the farm and we all seemed to perk up after their arrival. After tea and cake in the cafe we headed home and put Stefan to bed for a nap, and had some lunch. I felt much better having them around to distract me from my feelings. (I won't mention that I was told my hair was dull and I'm not 'glowing' in this pregnancy like I was with Stefan and how bringing up children isn't hard at all? As if I'm not fed-up enough.....anyway.....)


Monday turned out to be a lovely day. The sun was up in the morning, so I decided to put Stefan in the buggy and walk to the Toddler group at the Watershed. Took me a good while with my achy pelvis, but the fresh air did us both good. Stefan played all morning with the other children and was really a happy little boy. He ate all of his lunch, and had a good two hours sleep afterwards. We did a bit of shopping in the afternoon, the three of us ate our tea together (Darren was home on time and I had prepared a Shepherds Pie while Stefan was asleep during the day) - which was nice, Stefan enjoyed his bedtime bath and was asleep for 7pm. No fuss, no crying, no whining - ALL DAY.

I've been thinking a lot about the elective ceaserean. I'm not sure I've made the right decision. Then I am sure. Then I'm not again. I'm worried about the after effects and my recovery time and having the operation itself. On the other hand, if I'm honest, I'm frightened to death of giving birth the natural way, even though I know I will recover much more quickly. Why have I decided to have major abdominal surgery over something which my body is made for and can handle and I have a 60-70% chance of delivering this baby myself? Maybe I'll change my mind, and let things happen as they will. Then again, maybe not.

I'm at real odds with myself and my mind changes everyday. Just don't know what to do?

Week 24

More of the same this week. Aches, pains and tiredness. Darren has been sleeping in the spare room so both of us get the chance of a good night's sleep.

Saw the midwife on Wednesday, and all is good. Infact, she said my blood pressure was perfect and my urine sample was the clearest she'd ever seen. I might as well be as proud of that as anything else!

The baby's heartbeat was really clear and strong, and it was great to hear it.

Got my MatB1 form and have informed work I will be leaving on 5th May - a week before the section is planned on the 12th. I'm hoping a week will be enough to do last minute panicking and rushing about. Actually, I am really hoping to have a week off from everything and enjoy a couple of days peace while Stefan is in the nursery.

Stefan and I went swimming on Thursday in Westgates hydrotherapy pool. It was brilliant - like taking an extra big, extra warm bath! I was really surprised at how confident Stefan was in the water. He was even standing on the side and jumping in. I was very impressed for a 21 month old. I had to keep my wits about me though, as he was showing no fear, whether I was watching or not, he just threw himself in.

Even though I had a good report from the midwife, I've still had a couple of sleepless nights when I've been pacing the living room trying to feel the baby kick. It was very quiet for a couple of days, and things always seem magnified during the night. I have since felt movement, thankfully, as I'm not sure I could take anymore sleepless nights.

Baby must have needed the sleep. It's back on footballing form now.
Bump is looking rather impressive too.

Week 23

It's been a busy weekend. My parents were here on Sunday, and we met Darren's parents and Kerry and Steve at the Red Cow for a meal. I'd felt quiet and tired for most of the day, and it was an effort for me to be around so many people when I just felt like being quiet and resting. The pub was hot and busy and we had to wait a while for our food. By the end of the day there were a few tired tears as Stefan was especially lively in the bath and managed to create an indoor swimming pool. I just didn't have an extra energy to mop up the mess and I was soaked through.

I felt much the same during Monday. Stefan and I went to a toddler group in the morning, and I noticed Stefan wasn't his normal 'run around' self. He was subdued for most of the day, and had developed a cough and runny nose over night. We popped to see a friend in the afternoon and I nipped out to get cough medicine and calpol from the chemist as Stefan was really not himself at all. While Chris's two children were busy playing, he just wanted to sit on the settee with me and read a book.

By Monday night he'd taken a turn for the worst and was sick in bed - twice, and had a temperature. He was really unwell. We did get him back off to sleep after a couple of bed changes and a shower. By Tuesday morning, I was feeling worse. I was totally exhausted, had the worst headache and felt generally unwell. I ended up having two days off work.

I'm finding I'm struggling with my own ill health a lot through this pregnancy, and having Stefan to run around after isn't helping me get any better. I feel my immune system is struggling to fight off infection as I imagine everything I have got is going to the growing baby. Sore throat is still there as are headaches and a general feeling of being under the weather.

I've felt much stronger kicks from the baby this week and I can see my tummy moving about. I've also been getting really hungry and have been grazing throughout the day.

Week 22

Had a very calm, happy week this week. No real aches or pains to speak of. Had a bit of itching on arms and tummy and have been waking with pins and needles in hands during the night. The sleep situation has improved a little, although I'm still not going through the night totally. Darren has spent a couple of nights in the spare room as his sleep has been disturbed, but it does mean if I can't sleep I can put the lamp on and read for a bit.

I had a consultation with a Doctor at the LRI about my delivery method. She went through all the options and the risks including:

• a natural birth after a caesarean - 60-70% chance of delivering naturally

• a natural birth after a very traumatic birth the first time round ending in an emergency section - 60-70% chance of not being induced or having emergency section

• a straight forward, elective caesarean

As I had such a horrific time delivering Stefan and not wanting to run the slightest chance of that happening again, I have been booked in for an elective C-section on 12^th May (Stefan's due date funnily enough).

I can change my mind at any time, so if I do decide to give the natural birth a go, they have said they won't let me go as long in labour as I did with Stefan, knowing that I didn't dilate at all even after being induced and that Stefan was in trauma after 46 hours of trying to get himself out of there!

I have to consider all of the circumstances involved this time round, but I can't help feeling that it's a bit of a cop-out and that I'm somehow depriving the baby of a natural birth. Will no doubt mull this over for a few weeks anyway. It's not a decision I will make lightly.

So, if I have the section the baby will be here on 12^th May 2008 – 2 weeks before Stefan’s second birthday. If I let things happen naturally, it might be a joint birthday celebration.

Am getting really scatty and absent minded. I found the juice in the cat food cupboard this morning and the cat biscuits in the fridge.

Week 21

Had my second scan this week. It was amazing. I was so worried as I hadn't felt the baby moving or kicking very much, but everything is ok.

The sonographer was so lovely. She had lots of time for us and we felt it was no trouble for her to answer any of our questions. We had a very clear picture of the baby's profile - much clearer and more obvious than with Stefan. A different experience all round infact. Very positive, and we were made to feel welcome on all levels. Nothing was too much trouble.

















Baby's profile. A very clear image of the face and a little hand waving around. The spine can also been seen very clearly.


















A close up of the baby's face. Amazing really.

Everything is as it should be with baby, including all it's measurements and bits and bobs. The placenta is at the front of my tummy and is acting as a cushion for the baby's kicks, which is preventing me from feeling the full force. We saw very clearly how frequently the baby was moving around. Mind you, the force from which she moved the scanner around on my tummy, I'm not surprised. The baby was probably moving as a reaction to it. She was a bit heavy handed at times, and didn't spare my slightly sensitive scar area from the last section.

We didn't ask about the sex - decided to leave it till the big day. I like the 'not knowing' feeling. Makes it a bit more exciting - if that's possible.

I'm still exhausted. I've started to just say, 'yes, I'm fine, thank you' when people ask me, otherwise I'm sure they'll get sick of me complaining about how tired I am, how my back aches, how I can't sleep for longer than a couple of hours throughout the night, how my pelvis aches at the end of the day, how my emotions are up, down, up down, up, down ALL THE TIME and how I'm feeling like an over-weight, unattractive, run down, spotty, black eyed, vague thing. I also feel guilty at times for feeling like this, as I do realise just how lucky I am to be carrying this baby, and how excited I am at becoming a Mummy again.

Stefan has been run down this week with a cough and cold, as have most people I know. Hopefully I have had my fair share of illnesses, and I will escape this one. He's been very tearful at times and in obvious discomfort. It's so difficult as he can't tell me how he feels and I so want to make it all better for him. With the combination of pregnancy and a tearful toddler, it's been a tough week. We have had a few giggles at Stefan as his speech is really progressing now and he'll have a go at copying what you say to him. It's so sweet. Is this when you realise you are starting to sound just like your own parents?!

Week 20

John, Rachel and Jean came over today for a walk in the park and some dinner. I did a big pot of chicken stew for us all. The walk was wet and windy, but nice to get some fresh air and exercise.

I feel totally exhausted this week. I am tearful and intolerant because I am tired, and am getting fed up with continual housework. I really needed a break, so I went to Mum's on Saturday, leaving Darren and Stefan at home, and I slept for most of the day. It was lovely to rest and I felt so much better for it.

Unbelievably, I still have a sore throat. It comes and goes but is most painful at the end of the day. Many people have mentioned an ongoing illness they've had with pregnancy, so it might be here for the duration. I really ought to start gargling with salt water to give myself a fighting chance.

My boobs are really tender. So much so, even my bra hurts them at times. I've even had a bit of leakage. I've been worrying a bit over not feeling any strong movement from the baby. I did fish out a couple of books I had when I was carrying Stefan, and one of them did say it wasn't until week 24 that she really felt a good kick. I have had the odd flutter this week, but at night time when I am expecting the feelings more, I've not had anything. I guess worrying is part and parcel of pregnancy, and I've not got any reason to fear the worst - just my irrational self coming through.

Headaches are back. Real stinkers. I find it really hard to concentrate when I have one. I'm so vague too. I find myself not being able to find words half way through a sentence, then I get so frustrated, I just give up. Simple words too. Nothing brain taxing. Blimey, I don't think I have a brain to tax at the minute.

Sleeping has been a real nightmare this week. I'm not sleeping for any real length of time - an hour then I'm awake, then another hour and I'm awake again, then I'm lying there willing myself to go back to sleep. A couple of nights I've been up reading for a good two hours. Then, the following morning I'm suffering as I am doubly tired. Luckily, Stefan has been brilliant, which has been good as I'm not sure I could have coped with tears or tantrums (not that he has them regularly, just on the days when you need them the least!)

New Years Eve was spontaneous for us as we had no plans. We went for dinner at the Red Cow, but they weren't serving so we ended up at Pizza Hut, after trying Sainsbury's (we know how to live it up) first. On the way home we popped into Roz and Steve's for a cuppa to find Chris and her two children there. Roz's two, Chris's two and Stefan all ended up in the bath together, with Stefan borrowing Jamie's pj's! It's was brilliant. Darren took Stefan home about 7.30pm, and I stayed on for a bit to have a chin wag as Emma turned up too.

Started back at work this week. I'm dreading it really. I am so absent minded, I can just see the whole teaching thing becoming a nightmare. I've not had a chance to go in and do any marking before now, so I have a lot on plate this week. No idea when or how I am going to get it done.

Got my 21 week scan next week. I am looking forward to it, but I feel a bit anxious too. We've decided not to find out the sex. I was really glad I didn't with Stefan. Besides, we can't agree on a boy's name, so I'm happy to leave it for another few months to mull it over!

Week 19

Had some maternity clothes passed onto me this week from Chris, which are great. Got the rest of mine back that I lent Sarah at the start of the year too. I now have at least three outfits to wash and wear!

Darren and I had both finished for Christmas by the end of this week, and we took Stefan to the Friday toddler group Carol Service. Not our (holy) cup of tea at all, but Stefan enjoyed it being with his regular Friday friends. They had a puppet show, Christmas carols and tea and mince pies.

We spent the afternoon at Robert Hall. Some of the yoga girls had hired it for the afternoon to throw a small Christmas party for the children. Martin - one of the hubby's - dressed up as Santa, and was the star of the afternoon. Stefan enjoyed running about and playing.

Continuing our 'party' theme, we went to Chris's on Saturday as Alice had turned one. Was nice to catch up with her and the girls, and of course Stefan loves little Izzy - Alice's older sister.

I think after all the running about, I was very tired on Saturday night and I was a bit tearful, and my pelvic pain didn't help matters on Sunday when we took Stefan for a walk over Braunstone park. I struggled with walking at times.

Not felt much movement at all. The odd flutter here and there, but no tummy ticklers yet.

Christmas Day was lovely. We got Stefan up and showed him his presents. He was so excited. He did get a little overwhelmed and a bit tearful, so we spread the opening of presents throughout the day. At 1pm we headed over to Darren's parents for dinner. We all had a lovely day, very relaxed and easier for me than having everyone to ours!

Week 18

Been having very vivid dreams this week. Full on technicoloour and surround sound and some very special effects where I can feel what's happening. Bizarre. Have woke Darren up to put the light on as I was feeling scared.

Monday/Tuesday I was having some pain in my pelvis area, so much so it hurt me to walk. I made an appoinment with the midwife again to get it checked out. Apparently it's fairly normal with a second pregnancy as everything is much looser inside, muscles not as taught and things start to move and strectch more easily with growing baby. She suspects that I have something called SPD (which translates to something like 'synthesis pelvic disorder') - which is basically my pelvis bone rubbing together with the ligaments - and it's really rather painful. Been told not to left anything heavy - like Stefan.

Finally managed to get hold of some decent maternity clothes this week. It's been impossibe to go shopping with Stefan at this time of year. I tried it once and gave up after half an hour and came home empty handed. Too stressful anyway without having a toddler with you. Popped into Mothercare with Mum when I visited home on Monday and got a couple of things. Not a moment to soon either as I really am showing now.

Last week of term this week, so I am trying to get marking done and out of the way. I really do need to have a rest and try to catch up on some sleep while Darren is off and can have Stefan for me a few mornings.

Got the girls round tonight for a pizza, and my cold is on it's out. Just got the reminas of a runny nose, but am sleeping again.

Week 17

Feeling much better this week emotionally, but I can't believe that I've come down with yet another cold. Went to the Doctors on Monday with my sore throat (that has never really gone away since Week 6) that was starting to get worse. Especially at the end of the day. Now I've got the added bonus of a blocked up nose, itchy ears and dry, sore lips and no medication!

I've been finding it really hard to sleep. I'm am so exhausted, I really can't understand it. If I do fall asleep it's so shallow I've only been sleeping for one or two hours at a time. The last two nights I've been up walking about trying to break the 'non sleep' cycle and have also been reading at 2am. Had loads of worky things on my mind that have seemed worse at night just when I'm dropping off to sleep.

Had quite a stressful start to Wednesday. Had an appointment with the midwife to get my Down's results at 8.45am. I woke up at 7am and couldn't believe that Stefan was still sound asleep. A first! He's normally the first awake at 6am. I had a leisurely shower and dried my hair and still had to wake him up at 7.30am. All was going well until Stefan decided he didn't want his porridge. It was too close to him drinking his 7oz of milk, and obviously wasn't hungry enough. Of course, trying to explain to an 18 month old that if he doesn't eat his breakfast now he'll go hungry until lunchtime, was proving to be impossible!

I decided to leave him looking over his porridge while I went to get dressed. I had 20 minutes to get Stefan to the nursery and myself to the surgery - before going to work. I came down to find no porridge left in the bowl, but all over Stefan, all over the table and floor and stuck all over his chair. Stripped him off, cleaned him up, changed his clothes, left everything in a pile to turn to cement for me to sort out after work and legged it out the door.

FROST!!! My car was so thick with ice I couldn't turn the key in door. Great. After I had defrosted the car and got Stefan in the back I had about 3 seconds to get to the surgery. No time to take Stefan to the nursery, so he came with me. By this time he was getting hungry and was becoming really grisly. After waiting for a few minutes in the waiting room it had turned into a full on cry. By the time the midwife called me in he was inconsolable. Had a very rushed meeting, and the midwife couldn't find the baby's heartbeat and I left feeling really flustered and a mixture of upset and worried.

I'd been having some lower tummy pains, like a dull ache, which I mentioned to the midwife, and she said it was quite normal about now to feel a bit achey as my tummy is stretching and growing and things are moving about. I'd also been leaking bits of fluid that I had no control over, which also seems to be normal.

The Down's test came out well, so I won't be having any private scans for that. I think she said it was 1 in 1,000, but I'm not sure. Was too distracted trying to console Stefan.

Week 16

The start to this week has been horrible. I feel like my glass isn't just half empty, it's completely drained!

I've not felt this blue in a long time. I have no incentive to do anything, or go anywhere or see anybody, yet I feel lonely as hell. I don't want to be at work, I don't want to be at home, I don't want to be anywhere. What's happening? Let's hope it soon passes. By the end of this week I want my old self back please.

Wednesday

Very tearful today and having to get through work is proving difficult. This morning the car-park attendant raised his voice to me for parking in the wrong space. Under normal circumstances I'd have dealt with it, but I fell to pieces and burst into tears. Just want to go home and hide under the duvet.

The rest of my day wasn't much better either. Students raising their voices to me, shouting at me across the room and generally showing very poor behaviour. I ended up leaving the room and leaving them to it. Was I glad to get home today.

Thursday

Stefan and I had a really lovely day today. After yesterday I was feeling particularly vulnerable, so the two of stayed in our pyjama's for most of the day and played. It was lovely to just spend time with Stefan, and he was clearly enjoying himself too having lots of attention and stimulation from his Mummy. He even helped with the bits of housework I did. Emptying the washing machine and passing me the clothes, holding the vacuum cleaner handle with me and even putting toys back in the basket.

Had a much needed night out with the girls too. Cheered me up!

Friday

Up and out at the crack of dawn to take Stefan to his Grandma's as I was in work. Had a better day with some lovely students.

My mood has definitely lifted from Monday and I am feeling like my old self again. Pregnancy hormones can be very brutal at times, and always when you least expect it. I worry that the stress of me getting upset and worked up isn't doing me or the baby any good.

I've been feeling lots of butterfly kicks at odd times, so hopefully all is ok.

Week 15

Had to put on some maternity trousers this weekend. Comfort is top of my list now. Luckily, I have a few pairs that my friend has lent me for the duration. They were well received and it was nice not to feel like I was bursting out over the top of the waistband. Very unsightly fashion statement!

I'm doing ok generally. Most days I feel totally normal, as if I have imagined the past 14 weeks. The tiredness soon reminds that I am infact, pregnant. My worst time is around 3pm. I could sleep on a washing line or just sleepwalk.

I'm feeling butterflies much sooner this time round. I have teeny tiny flutters which I usually feel when I'm resting or when I go to bed and it's nice and quiet. With Stefan on the go all the time, I'm finding it difficult to spend anytime even thinking about being pregnant, nevermind
doing all the recommended things like resting and taking it easy. It does niggle at me at times. It's a continual merry-go-round.

Saw the midwife on Wednesday. She took blood for Downs Syndrome testing and something else, I can't remember. I'm rubbish arent I?. Anyway, after stabbing me a few times she eventually found a vein and took a few pints. Then she weighed me. I'm still getting over it.

Listened to the baby's heartbeat, which is really all I wanted just to confirm all was OK and to stop the niggles. The last 15 weeks have been a bit of a blur and I was a little worried that I'd not paid much attention to this pregnancy as I did the first time round. It's so different this time. And a lot harder physically.

I'm more scatty than usual. Forgetting things, loosing things and can't seem to complete the simplest of tasks like putting away the clean washing in the correct place. Found one of my bra's in Stefan's wardrobe the other day?

Week 14

I'm officially fat. No. I'm officially 'fatter'. Hmmmmmm. I seem to remember feeling like this with Stefan. Not quite big enough for maternity clothing, but too big to button up my trousers.

Having not lost all of my pre-pregnancy weight, I'm feeling the pinch. I knew I shouldn't have had that extra slice of cake at Mum's over the weekend! Well, at least I have a good excuse as to why I'm looking more rotund when people give me a second look.

We'd discussed having our second child relatively close to Stefan, so I guess that's always been at the back of mind when I've thought about loosing weight in a 'serious' sense. I've not liked the excess very much. Am looking forward to getting back into my size 12's again after this baby.


Emotions have been up and down, tearful at times, but generally on the whole I am feeling good. Very happy-go-lucky and have a bit of a spring to my step. It's nice to feel 'up' again after feeling so miserable for so long. I was loosing my perspective on things, but am getting it back now, together with a rational head. Wonder how long that will last?

I've been having some very vivid dreams. Some of them have been quite upsetting and Darren has woken me as I've been sobbing in my sleep. They seem so much worse in the middle of the night.

Made an appointment for my 15 week MOT next week. Looking forward to that so I can hear the baby's heartbeat. The 20 week scan seems so far away.

Week 13

Had a great week. No yucky symptoms to speak of at all. Just feeling tired and a bit tearful at times. Soon passes though. Darren is getting used to just accepting it, and giving me a hug rather than trying to work out what might be wrong.

Stefan has picked up Hand, Foot and Mouth disease. The nursery called me at work on Wednesday to go and fetch him. When Rebecca told me what it was, I thought she was telling me he'd got Mad Cow Disease. I was nearly in tears over the phone until she told me exactly what it was. Phew! At the moment, he only has two blisters on his right foot. His hands and mouth are clear. I'm hoping he's on the mend now. Poor little fellow has been in the wars over the past few weeks. He's holding his own though - and not much keeps him down. I'm still not 100% myself. Sore throat is back, and it's painful (I'm hoping I'm not coming down with H,F & M) and I'm sneezing.

Have been discussing my maternity leave from work. I've decided to take three months maternity leave, and then use up my 24 days holiday for the rest, which works out to 12 weeks as I only work 2 days a week. Money is tight now, so we really will feel it with half a wage, maternity pay and and another little one to bring up.

No complaints though - it's all worth it to have a sibling for Stefan. I really can't wait!

Week 12

Had the first scan on Wednesday 7th. Really brilliant to see a moving, kicking wee baby. It's made everything seem more real now and Darren and I have finally accepted that we're having another baby. It's really sunk in.

The due date is May 17th 2008 - 9 days before Stefan's second birthday. Lets hope this baby is on time otherwise we really could be having joint birthday parties for a very long time to come!

















A tiny wee baby lying on it's back. You can make out the shape of the head, the body and a straight leg

















A view from above, looking down onto the baby

It was really nice going into the antenatel clinic this time, having knowledge of what was going to happen and not being so overwhelmed or scared. The sonographer was also much, much more pleasant than the one we had on my first visit with Stefan. Very pleasant and happy to talk to us. Made the whole experience so different to our first encounter.

I've had a really good day today. I've felt like I've been smiling from the inside out, and it's been great to be able to tell people too. I remember being surprised at how lovely people were when I announced Stefan's pending arrival, and I have been again this time. Everybody has seemed genuinely happy for us - especially our close friends.

Week 11

My sickness has all but gone. Thank goodness. I was getting a bit 'sick' and tired of it. Nothing really seemed to help. It still rears it's ugly head if I don't eat or drink enough, or if I find myself in a stuffy environment - like at work for 8 hours!

The tiredness catches up with me mainly in the evenings. By 9pm I am struggling to stay awake, so I have been heading off to bed with a book by about 8.30pm. I don't suppose the dark nights are helping much either, now we've put the clocks back. It will soon be dark by 5pm. I don't actually mind the dark nights when it's nice and bright and breezy during the day. It's the grey, rainy ones that make it miserable.

Stefan has been poorly again this week, although I think it's a continuation of what started last week with the high temperature. He's had a really nasty cough for a while. The doctor gave him an inhaler, but it's not made much difference in the long term. He hasn't got a chest infection and cough medicine isn't really easing it.

On Thursday night, he had a particularly bad night. We were up and down to him most of the night, with his coughing and distressed crying. I took him to the doctor first thing as I noticed his breathing was quite quick and very shallow. Doctor prescribed some steriods to help open up his airway tubes, which had apparently narrowed and were inflammed, and he diagnosed him with croup. The steriods worked wonders and Stefan slept for nearly three hours, peacefully that morning.

When he woke, the coughing started again, and the short, raspy breathing was back. Darren came home from work incase we needed to take Stefan to A&E. I was exhausted, very tearful and pretty scared for Stefan. In my panic, I passed out and was sick.

Darren took over and I went to bed for the rest of the afternoon. Physically and emotionally drained.

I'm looking forward to my scan next week now.

Week 10

What a week.

Friday (19th), the midwife came over. I wasn't overly impressed with how it all went to be honest. Lots of questions about my past pregnancies/miscarriages, talk of paying for a private scan to check for Downs Syndrome because of my age, she was unprepared with her leaflets/info and hadn't bought any to give to me and I was told not to call the number I had been given incase she was driving!

Maybe I'm just a bit sensitive at the moment with hormones all over the place. It's not been the best pregnancy so far compared to sailing through the first few weeeks with Stefan and I am feeling sick and tired all the time.

Anyway - because my cycles had been so long post MC (38 days) she couldn't give me an exact due date, so I could be anywhere from 14th-24th May. The scan at the hospital will be able to tell me more. So, I might be a week behind or a week infront of where I think I am at the moment. I'd also forgotten about the needle thing at this stage too. Lots of blood was taken, and I hated every minute.

On Sunday evening Mum came over to stay. I had a nice restful morning on Monday while Mum helped with Stefan and the housework. Chores all done, we decided to pop to Mothercare to get some bits I needed for Stefan - Wellington boots for nursery rainy play days mainly. We parked up, and we both noticed a strong smell of petrol. Yep - I had sprung a leak. Great. When we got home, I booked the car in the garage for the following morning and got on with lunch for the three of us.

After lunch, poor Stefan took a turn for the worst, completely out of the blue. He started to burn up, throw up and look generally unwell all in a matter of five minutes. I managed to rock him off to sleep and placed him in his cot, where he slept for a good couple of hours.

In the meantime, the leak on the car was getting quite bad and petrol was leaking into the road. I was quite worried at having to drive it, so I called my breakdown cover and arranged for them to tow it to the garage. I'm not sure there was any petrol left in it.

Stefan woke up and was a little bit brighter, although he was sick again. After a clean up and a drink, he seemed on the mend, so Mum went home. An hour later at 4.30pm, Stefan was unwell again, hot, tearful, sicky and just wanting to be cuddled, I was begining to worry about him. At the same time, the pick up truck arrived to tow my car away. Trying to have a conversation with the driver was difficult with an upset, sick child in my arms, yet he was insisting that because the garage closed at 5pm, he needed me to go with him to push my car keys through the garage letterbox if they had already closed when he got there. He was not at liberty to do so, and needed a sign document (or something?? I was more concerned with Stefan than my car at this point) In the end, I told him there was no way I could go with Stefan being so poorly, so I left him to decide what to with my car. Either take it or leave it, I was passed caring!

I watched him from the livingroom window hitch my car to his truck and as he reversed out, he bumped my car into next doors' car. Great!! Thinking he'd get out and have a look, I opened the front door to see him drive off! As I didn't hear anything for the rest of the evening, I presumed my car had been left at the garage.

Stefan didn't improve and he was hot and lifeless most of the evening. By 7pm, I asked Margaret next door to come and have a look at him as neither of us had seen this in Stefan before. We stripped him off and cooled him down with a flannel, gave him some Calpol and called NHS direct for some advice. He did finally go off to sleep in his cot wearing just a vest and a cotton sheet. In the morning he was back to his normal happy self. Phew!

As Stefan was much brighter on Thursday (25th) and Darren was on half term, we drove down to Braintree to see Ray and Sarah and the twins. It was a nice break as we stayed in a hotel overnight, and spent all day Friday with R&S. The twins are so teeny tiny, and gorgeous. Can't wait to have baby No. 2 now.

Week 9

Had a much better start to the week this week.

On Saturday we went to Ruby's 4th birthday party over in Syston. Stefan had a great time with the other children, although they were a little bit too old for him to join them on the bouncy castle!

We drove over to my Mum and Dad's on Saturday afternoon and spent the rest of the weekend with them. Sunday was lovely. We all went to Warley Woods, and walked through to Lightwoods Park. The fresh air was just what I needed to ease the sick feelings and Stefan loved walking through the trees and sitting on Dad's shoulders. I was able to rest a lot and have a couple of catnaps throughout the day. Mum really looked after us with helping out with Stefan and cooking a beautiful Sunday lunch - yum!

It was my first week back at work this week. I'm now a week behind as the first week of term was last week. I had to fly by the seat of my pants for all of the sessions this week. Nothing was put in place, I'd had no time to prepare and I really had no idea what I was teaching on what day. Still - it was OK in the end.

I'd forgotten how hard it is to get both Stefan and myself ready and get out in the morning on time. By the time I'd got to work at 8.30am, I felt like I'd done half a day's work already. What's it going to be like when there's two children to see to!?!?! Think I need an easier job. Or to win the lottery.

The sickness is relentless. I think this is why my throat isn't getting any better. I'm either retching or being sick, so the strain on my throat is making it hard for it to heal and my voice is still not back properly. I think I've learned to live with this illness now.

There's been lots of invites recently that I've had to turn down with one thing and another. The lastest was a gig at the Y Theatre to see T-Rextasy. We were going with Freda and Simon, but I had to bow out at the last minute. Illness and pregnancy got the better of me. Darren went alone in the end. I've also missed Rachel and Chris' birthday celebrations. I'm looking forward to the end of these early pregnancy weeks when hopefully my body will settle down and I'll be able to have some sort of social life again.

Week 8

I am starting to get over the very worst of this virus now, although I have still got a broken voice and if I use it too often for too long my throat starts to become very painful. There was no way I could teach this week, so I've had a third week off work. I'm desperate to feel well again and get back to work, and back to my normal self.

I've been feeling increasingly tired and sick this week. As awful as it is, I'm getting some comfort knowing that the pregnancy is OK and my body is behaving perfectly normally. I'm finding it a real struggle in the afternoon when my tiredness and sickness is at its worst and I have to be there for Stefan. By the time 6pm arrives, I'm totally shattered and can think of nothing else other than going to bed. The housework is suffering as I am sleeping when Stefan sleeps, instead of using the time to catch up with the chores. Nevermind. It will get done eventually.

I've felt quite lonely over the past few weeks. Not being able to get out of the house or go to my normal groups has left me feeling a bit down in the dumps. On Thursday, I really felt that I needed to get out of the house with Stefan, so we went swimming at Braunstone Pool. They had a baby/toddler session and we caught the last 20 minutes. We both really enjoyed it, although I'm not sure how much good it did me. Now that we don't go to the swim sessions at the gym since I cancelled my membership, I think it will become a regular thing for the two of us.

Some great news this week - Ray and Sarah gave birth to twins, Jack and Amy om the 10th.

Week 7

My 35th birthday today. It's all a bit grim. I am still poorly, so any celebrating has had to be put on hold. I did manage to make it for lunch with Mum (& Stefan) at the Red Cow up the road, and we had a bit of a potter around town to get me some new shoes. It really tired me out though and by 4pm I was suffering. I've been back to the Doctor and he's given me some pain killers. He can't prescribe too much because of the pregnancy. The antibiotics don't seem to be having any effect. I've only got one more day of tablets left and I feel no better.

Pregnancy is going ok. I'm feeling lots of symptoms - morning sickness (the retching is the worst, and it's not confined to the morning either. I get it throughout the day and night in intervals) I have bouts of achy boobs, I'm tired ALL the time and a I have really strong sense of smell. Some smells make me feel sick.

I'm still off work.

Week 6

Am still so poorly. It's my second week off work and Stefan has either been at nursery or at his Grandparents as I just cannot give him the attention he needs. I can't get out of bed, and I just cannot seem to shake this virus. I've been to the Doctor's and I now have a chest and throat infection, on top of a cold. I've lost my voice and it hurts so much to swallow or talk. My cough is very loose on my chest and I have a 'growl' when I breathe, which makes me cough more, which gives me a headache and makes my throat sting. It's been keeping me awake during the night. I'm really tired. I've been given some antibiotics.

I have been suffering with morning sickness, a really horrible sea sick feeling or like I've been sat in the back of a warm car reading. I've not been feeling good at all with one thing or another. I am relieved that I have a recognisable pregnancy symptom, a definite progression into week 6, and I'm seeing this is a sign of a strong pregnancy. Am resting all the time. I haven't got any energy in me to do anything. I feel so weak and tired. I can't wait to feel better.

Week 5

We've been trying for another baby for the past 5 months. We actually fell pregnant in February 2007 when Stefan was 9 months old, but I miscarried in March at 6 weeks. Devastating. Something you have to experience to fully understand the emotional trauma. I would never have believed it would happen again. Now, 5 months on, I'm pregnant again, and we are over the moon. We are taking tiny, careful steps as we are still scarred.

The previous two days.........

I've spent the day with Freda - baby group this morning, dinner at hers with her boys, then we spent the afternoon playing in the garden after Stefan's afternoon nap. I've felt fine most of the day, but I have recently been having spells of feeling lightheaded, slightly queasy and had bouts of tender boobs. Two weeks ago I would have put money on my period showing up again this month. I'd been having lower tummy aches and was really tearful and down. Then - nothing. For a whole week, I felt nothing. It was then I was starting to wonder if I was actually pregnant. I'd gone from 100% definitely not pregnant, to 50-50, not sure.

I made a couple of comments at Freda's about being able to smell poo. We'd checked the boys, and nobody else could smell anything. When Freda went outside, she realised the poo smell was coming from a nearby farmer 'mucking out' and that was what I could smell.
She reckoned I'd got a heightened sense of smell due to being pregnant.

I had decided not to do a pregnancy test. I felt that I was protecting myself from disappointment, and if I just waited then eventually I'd know anyway. But, Darren convinced me to take one and the positive result showed up within seconds - with a very strong pink line.




SATURDAY, 15th SEPTEMBER 2007

Woke up this morning feeling rotten. I've got the worst cold virus in the world, ever, and of course I can't take anything for it to relieve the symptoms. My head feels like it is going to explode, my face hurts from being blocked up with mucus, my ears are itching on the inside, I can't breath easily and I'm feeling really miserable. No energy, can't stay up for long, but don't particularly want to stay in bed as breathing is too difficult. Darren has been out and bought me some lemons, and the pharmacist has told him I can use a bit of Olbas Oil if things get too difficult. Worryingly, I also have aches in my lower tummy, which I can't decide is cold virus related or not. I'm finding it difficult to recognise my pregnancy symptoms over the cold symptoms, and of course, I'm worried sick that something is going wrong.

I hope this cold clears up soon. I'm trying really hard not to think the worst.